By Pardeep Sahota
Parents are one of the greatest influences on their children, and they make the best teachers. We learn to talk, walk and interact by watching our parents, and turn to them for guidance, information, nurturing and expectations. Learned behaviour from parents is more influential in decision making than observing behaviour from friends or media. All parents have a responsibility when it comes to raising their children. Beyond the obvious, such as providing children with food, water and clothing along with a nurturing environment, parents are expected to teach their children the different between right and wrong – and not just what they perceive as right and wrong, what society accepts as right and wrong.
Responsible parenting involves far more then taking care of a child’s basic needs: it requires a mature, adult mind with a genuine desire to raise a child from birth into adulthood by means of teaching responsible, socially acceptable behavior. Not everyone is up for this task; it takes time, common sense, and a genuine love for the safety and future of one’s child.
There is no question that a parent should be held responsible for their child’s behavior – if a parent isn’t responsible for their child’s values and beliefs, things that are learned from a parent, then who is?
In a perfect world South Asian parents are teaching their children important lessons like: violence is wrong, you should never hit a woman, all people are created equal, if you make a mistake you need to accept responsibility, and negative actions have consequences. Although ideally parents are teaching their young children these important lessons, many families are skipping this lesson altogether and are choosing to aid their criminal children with evading the law and justice. We’ve all seen this happen: a child commits a crime and parents for them rather than allowing them to be brought to justice.
Ninderjit Singh shot his ex-girlfriend Poonam Randhawa at close range, showed no remorse when he dumped her body in a back alley, and then eluded police for more than 12 years. He changed his physical appearance, got married and is now a father to several children. While Poonam Randhawa’s family lived in fear that their daughter’s killer may return, Singh lived a blissful life in California: a life that received support and financial assistance from his family. A BC Supreme Court judge heard that Singh’s family gave him $150,000, lied to the police about his whereabouts for more than 12 years, and helped him build a new life after he shot his teenaged girlfriend. Singh’s mother and brother visited him every year, and continued to find ways to help him stay hidden from authorities.
There is no doubt that Ninderjit Singh is responsible for his own actions – he chose to stalk and harass his victim before killing her. Had he any remorse for his crime, he would have turned himself in to police and dealt with the repercussions of his crime. What is even more deplorable is that Singh received assistance from his family: a family that should have turned their sociopath son in to authorities, and try their best to ensure that their other son didn’t travel down the same path as Singh.
It is unfortunate that we are unable to punish a parent for irresponsible teachings or a lack thereof. Singh’s parents deserve equal responsibility for his actions. Their inadequate parenting skills led to his actions, and subsequent disrespect for the law.
Parents who believe that they are not responsible for the negative actions of their adult children are admitting that they haven’t done a good job parenting, and they missed a vital part of their role. While parents can’t be everywhere a child roams, it is possible that before a child becomes an adult and ventures on their own, that they know right from wrong. Unable to teach their children socially accepted behaviour and the difference between right and wrong, Singh’s parents are among many in the South Asian community that have failed as parents.
