Ask Paarull
If you have a question about your relationship that bothers you and you don’t know who to ask, the LINK has you covered. Ask Paarull at [email protected]!
ARRANGED MARRIAGE? To do or not to do?
Paarull, my parents have found me a guy who is well educated, financially successful and not-so bad looking. We’ve been dating for the past few months but have only met 6-7 times as we live in different cities. I like him but I feel that I may not even know him well enough and our parents have already started talking about marriage. Arranged marriages never appealed to me before but it seems to be the route that I chose since it was hard for me to date being so busy with work. I will end up moving if we get married, what should I do?
Arranged marriages in my opinion are relationships based on trial and error, their success rate really depends on how understanding each partner is. It can’t also be all that bad as a good majority of the population in India was married this way. I’m sure you know someone in your family or even around you who had an “arranged marriage” and have been together for decades. My advice to you my dear is to just go with the flow and take your time as marriage is no joke. Date him for a while longer and see if you can spend time with him in his city for more than a week. I say this because when we go on a date and meet the person only once, we all are on our best behaviors. The true side or our true personality gets revealed when we spend more than a day together. I’m not saying that you would know all about your guy but you will know a lot more than what you do now. 6-7 times just doesn’t cut it for me, meet him a 100 times and then decide. If you’re moving your life for him then he better be worth it!
Mother-in-law or Monster-in-law?
I got married to my college sweetheart last year who I’ve been immensely in love with for 11 years. Things have been nothing but like a fairytale for me as he’s just my prince charming. BUT four months ago, my mother-in-law came to live with us who’s left me feeling miserable. She has an opinion on everything I do or say, always criticizes me, and she thinks that my husband could’ve found someone else much better than me. I don’t know how to handle her without ruining my relationship, what should I do?
I think with all the Indian dramas portraying the mother-in-laws to be rather unpleasant and always upto no good, there must be some truth to this story as you’re not the first to be e-mailing me about such a problem. I always wonder why the same lady is nice to their daughter but absolutely despises her daughter-in-law. This is because women are generally more attached to their sons and fathers to their daughters. Always remember honey that your relationship with your In-Laws EXISTS because of the man you married. These relationships are interdependent so in order to have harmony in your love life, you must learn to manage your mother-in-law. Show respect to her but within reason and WITHOUT being bullied. A trick that I always use when some people are being mean without any reason is IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE. Humans have this nature where they love bothering someone that they can get a reaction from so just DO NOT REACT when you Mom-in-law is upto her usual antics. Simply ignore her and trust me, she will STOP. Don’t react to her comments, etc, simply IGNORE.
To do or not to do?
Paarull, I’ve just started dating a guy who wants to sleep with me but it’s only been 6 dates and I’m not ready yet. I think it’s too soon but I don’t want to say no to him because I fear he may leave and I really like him. What should I do?
Just don’t give it to him! No IFS ANDS or BUTS! When you start seeing a man you are interested in, sex will come as a natural next step and not something that the other keeps asking for. If you don’t feel comfortable honey then just don’t do it. Tell him that you think it’s too soon and if he’s a keeper then he will understand and still stick around. If he leaves then don’t worry, there is a guy out there for you in the billion people population on this planet. After all, they can’t all be that bad! Haha
If you have a relationship question that you’d like to share then – Ask Paarull at [email protected]!
