I get mixed feelings when someone asks me to help them find a job. My first instinct is that I myself should be capable enough to offer an employment to someone deserving and in need. My second instinct is that I know enough friends who would gladly oblige to assist a person with deserving credentials. But something holds me back from asking friends for such a favour.
Recently, I vigorously fought this resistance within myself for many days by ignoring it and finding various excuses around not calling friends to offer a decent job to this bright, beautiful and a single mother or two. She has recently immigrated to our city. Today I finally faced it. “I just do not want to help someone this way”, I blurted to myself. First I thought it was odd of me to say such a thing buthonestly speaking it felt good after saying it.
I had to figure it out as to what got me so upset about all this. I looked back in my childhood days and remembered when my mother and father had never asked anyone for a favour for us. They taught us day and night to become, “this capable and this strong that no one could look pass you”. “Give your very best to demand the very best”, were the daily mantras in our household.
I cannot say that I was able to give the same guidance and environment to my children as I had received from my visionary parents but I still followed the same rule with my children. It was a hard choice each time to turn away those confused eyes but I never favored them over otherchildren while training them in play grounds or not even helping them find an employment and social acceptance for them being my children. It is not to say that I have reached the moon or my children have while following this principle but I feel that I have not cheated them off their rightful life experiences. If they need to fall thousands times before they will learn to walk then let it be. I have believed that if they so desire then they surely should burn enough fuel inside to reach their own goals as individuals.
Yes it has been hard and it will continue to be hard in the days to come but I have made the choice a long time ago to let the world judge and teach us hard lessons. I will certainly not intervene in their life journey.
Thinking back of this bright, beautiful and vibrant single mother that reached out to me for employment, I want to say a few words to her and also to all women out there. Although in this less than a fair and actually brutally biased society and culture (this is not limited to a race, religion or region and America is giving enough evidence to the world these days to prove me right) you should know that if you wish to feel complete and free as a PERSON and an independent soul then you do not need any favors from anyone. Take guidance and support but you must go fight each battle on your own.
I want to make a point by saying that while women shall respect their relationships but I see no pride in reaching a destination by being someone’s sister, someone’s daughter or someone’s wife. My advice to you is to be yourself. Be proud of what you yourself have reached and set out to reach in the coming future.
If you must, then ask me how I did it. I will share and support you in building your strength but I certainly won’t take part in incapacitating your shining light.
By now you would have figured that borrowed, crippled, or unearned success is not my cup of tea. It can cost me time but it will not cost me my pride to reach the goals I set out for myself.
I assure you that you are capable. I guarantee you that you would be glad you made tough and uncomfortable choices.
Go own your journey; you will love it!
I do.
Meera Gill is with Our Global Village Charitable Foundation.
