Balwant Sanghera
LINK COLUMNIST
A person’s life is like a pendulum.It swings back and forth.Take for example, the questionof dependency. From birth toteenage years, the child is almosttotally dependent upon his/herparents and other caregivers.Around age 13 or so, he/shebecomes less dependent. Thisbrings in the phase of semidependence which continuesinto adulthood when that personbecomes fully independent.This phase continues till thatperson is in his/her sixties orseventies and the old age beginsto set in. At this point he/shebecomes semi dependent uponhis/her family. Eventually in oldage, that person is likely tobecome totally dependent uponothers. In each phase a person’sself-esteem is extremely important.This is more so whenhe/she is either semi dependentor totally dependent upon others.As a matter of fact, self–esteem is extremely importantfor all of us regardless of ourage. It isn’t something we cansee, touch or hear-but it is thereand it is ours. We own it. It is theway we feel about ourselves, theway we talk about ourselves andthe way we see ourselves.A high self-esteem (not anoverblown ego) is equallyimportant for adults and youth.However, it is more so in case ofour young people as they arefairly vulnerable members ofsociety. They need constantencouragement, guidance andsupport in order to succeed inlife. Moreover, the youth need astrong sense of belonging, security,identity, purpose and personalcompetence.The signs of high self-esteemare pleasant ones. These includemaking positive statements,accepting compliments, lookingpeople in the eye, being willingto risk new experiences and celebratingthe success of self andothers. Individuals with highself-esteem demonstrate a highdegree of acceptance of selfand others. They recognize theirown specific strengths and skills,as well as the special abilities ofothers. There is a feeling ofsecurity in the environment andin social relationships. Personswith high self-esteem exhibitpride (not arrogance) in themselvesand a sense of responsibilityfor personal actions.Building self-esteem in childrenand youth can be viewed as asequential step- by- stepprocess. In order to give them asense of security, belonging andpurpose, adults in the youth’slife must set realistic limits.Rules must be laid out clearlyand explained to the youth insimple language. Avoid ambiguityand jargon. Recognize theyouth’s strengths. Demonstratelove and acceptance. Encourageinclusion and acceptance ofothers. Create an environmentthat is conducive to the youth’ssuccess. Provide on-goingencouragement and support.It is important to acknowledgeand recognize the youth’sknowledge, competence, creativityand other esteem buildingqualities. As parents, grandparentsand caregivers, we mustencourage, equip and empowerour young people to be independent,resourceful and successfulin life. We must make every effort in helpingthem develop into happy, successful, productiveand caring members of our society.In this context, it is helpful to make oneaware of the developmental stages of childrenand youth .As children enter adolescence,they tend to become more peerfocused. As a matter of fact, those withlow self- concept become so attached totheir peers that they will do anything togain their approval and acceptance. Assuch, issues like self- confidence andassertiveness become even more crucialfor their well-being. This is a very challengingphase for the youth and their parents/caregivers. They need to understandthat the youth is going through a very criticalphase of development. Rather thanbeing harsh and punitive, parents need tobe understanding and supportive. Theyneed to instil confidence in the youth byhelping him/her make sound decisions,focusing on youth’s positive attributes andhelping him/her become a confident andproductive member of the family andsociety. Change the youth’s ecology/environmentin such a way that he/she feelscompetent, happy and successful. Be consistent.Avoid power struggles. Developfeelings of positive self-worth. Try to be agood role model for the youth. Followingthese simple suggestions can make the lifefor the youth and the family to be veryenjoyable.Happy New Year!Balwant Sanghera is a retired School Psychologistand community Activist.
