Ask Paarull!
By Paarull Bakshi
I was sent a story and a rather sad one by a girl who moved here from India like many others do and how her search for love was more like a nightmare.
I will summarize her story to you:
She says, my name is S. Kaur and I belong to a small place in Punjab. I’m 27 years of age and when I turned 21, my parents were seeking a groom for me, many matches were presented to me and me being naive, didn’t really know how to pick or choose anything as I had never dated before. This will going to be my very first interaction with a male as I belong to a very strict family and they didn’t approve ever even talking to boys when I was younger. I went to an all-girls school then also an all-girls college. My brother would chaperone me to my college and back every day. I didn’t have much friends either. Out of all the matches that were shown to me via pictures, it was very hard for me to decide but then I saw a picture which I very much liked. I showed interest and told my Mom, this picture was of a 25 year old Business man from Canada. Knowing where this man was from, I was hesitant but my parents were happy as this is the match they also liked and were hoping that I would agree to move to Canada. They immediately contacted the marriage agent and told them of my choice.
In two weeks, the boy’s family and him flew down from Canada to our small town in Punjab. I met him twice and he seemed nice although we didn’t talk very much.
A month later, before I knew it, we were married. I was scared of marrying this complete stranger, she said. I knew nothing about him and then also I was supposed to move a few months later after all the papers were arranged for. What was I doing ? I thought!
On our first night, I didn’t feel comfortable with him to get closer but by the time I got to our honeymoon suite, he had fallen asleep. I thought he must’ve been tired. The next morning, they left for Canada. I was scheduled to fly there in 2 months’ time, I couldn’t wait! I moved to Canada. His family came to pick me up at the airport but he was nowhere in sight. As I reached my new home, I didn’t see my husband so I kept mum and waited until the evening, and still nothing. I was hesitant to ask my in-laws as I didn’t know them. It was 1ma and the door opened, I saw him come into the house so I quickly ran to him and he didn’t react. He walked away and went to another room.
The next morning, same thing, he was gone by the time I woke up. This happened for months and when I asked my in-laws, they seemed to have no answer for me. One night, he came home and there was guy with him, they proceeded to go to his room. I thought maybe he brought his friend along. So I walked by that room and what I saw was just unbelievable. It seemed that my husband was in bed with another man, how could this be? I cried all night that night as I didn’t know what to do. Then I finally told my mother-in-law who seemed to have tears in her eyes talking to me. She said to me in Punjabi, “yes, my son is gay and I’m sorry that I did this to you but this is now your life.” I felt my life had just ended at the age of 22.
A few months later, I confronted the man who was supposed to be my husband and slapped him. Later that day, I left that house and found accommodation in a shelter. I worked for a few months before I could find my way back home. I didn’t think that my parents would accept me like this but they did.
I now live back in Punjab with my family and run a small school for girls to educate them. I hope no one ever goes through what I had to.
What would you all do? Do you think that this story is of courage? Please write to me. Remember all messages remain anonymous.
XOXO Paarull
Paarull Bakshi is a marketing consultant at Brand D Media (www.branddmedia.ca). If you have a relationship question that you’d like to share then – Ask Paarull at [email protected]! If you are looking for PR, Media Relations. Branding, Event Planning and Digital Marketing Services, Paarull can be reached at [email protected].
